Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
