Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
