it wasn't lemon gatorade
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
