I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
