party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
