Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
