So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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