Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
