He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
