Cold hands, warm shart.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
