So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
