this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
