so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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