I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
