Buhtt sex?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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