I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
