Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dignity is for republicans.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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