Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Randomize
