All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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