Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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