I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
