I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
