Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
