Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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