sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
