Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
