Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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