She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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