He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
