Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
