So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
