she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
