Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
