that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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