Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
