I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
