Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
