On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
