If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
vagina is talking i cant
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
