You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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