Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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