Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
