Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
