dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
