Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
