you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
