my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm like, not good at living.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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