Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
