so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I touched a dick in church today
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
