Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
