Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
